i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
