I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
