I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had sex on a roof
Let's get the cat blown out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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