i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
