youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
