her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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