I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
