Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dear god my vagina.
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