Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
