so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Someone came in the potted fern
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
