I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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