This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
50% drunk capacity currently
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
