i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
