I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
