do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
