I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
