I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
