fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
