we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
