I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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