I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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