cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
