I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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