There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
