Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
