i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
