Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
