I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
