the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
