I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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