____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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