If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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