I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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