u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
