i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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