ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
