i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
