I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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