i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
