i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
