I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
