I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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