Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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