There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
