just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
