actually, I'm a sock model
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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