I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
