please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize