i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
