You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
