Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
