It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
