Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
