tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
