i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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