I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
