i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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