I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
