that's an acceptable place to lick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
