what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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