She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
