evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
