when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
