I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
