Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
