She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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